Sunday, April 13, 2014

Why I will no longer apologize for being sensitive

With this blog post, I am not only going to be my OWN voice, but a voice for other sensitive people like me. I will no longer apologize for being a deep feeling person. I cry at touching, beautiful things, at heartaches, when people I love are hurting, for what sometimes seems like no reason at all, and for a thousand other things. I am taking a leaf from Elsa's and Rapunzel's books. I'm freeing myself, letting it go, and those that truly care will take me as I am. 
      Being a sensitive person is extremely difficult in this world that accepts everything being disposable. Throwaway relationships, friend, people. Even those like counselors who are supposed to help people encourage selfishness and the look out for number one mentality. Just look at the media. Characters in shows, books, and movies are "boring" if they are sensitive or quiet and kind,and praised for being sarcastic or rude. A major trend is to diminish femininity or chivalry and boost selfishness and unfeeling characters.

    I have lost count how many times people have told me that I am "too sensitive" or "take things too hard". I personally believe that we are just sensitive to how things are said, or done, and the substance (or lack thereof) behind it. I don't believe I should- or anyone else should- change just to appease those people: just God. I will ALWAYS pick God and right before someone's good graces. Also, who is anybody to say your trial in life is not as hard as theirs? Neil L. Anderson said in his talk from General Conference in oct of 2012 " . . . A real, manageable test for one can be a fiery trial for another."
Being sensitive and deep feeling is actually a godly attribute. God even described Himself as a "jealous" God. The Hebrew translation of jealous is qannah, which means "possessing sensitive and deep feelings". In Jesus the Christ by Talmage, Christ is described many times as a "sensitive, sinless soul". Many scriptures and prophets speak on being sensitive to the Spirit and to the needs of others, of being meek and not just sympathetic, but empathetic. Part of being meek is being able to put the needs of others above their own.
         One of my favorite stories of Christ is the one when He raised Lazarus from the dead. It shows how deeply He felt for others (well, aside from His greatest gift of love:the Atonement). Even though He knew what was going to happen, when Mary and Martha were grieving, He did not dismiss their grief, wept and honored their feelings by grieving with them and for their sadness. 
          I've been told many times, and even thought for so long, that I had to be different: less sensitive, more outgoing, etc. But sensitive introverts have light too, and purpose.
          I am genuine. I am loyal, and I care deeply. I tend to have high expectations of myself and others. But, only because I see their potential! This may sound arrogant, but it has taken me so long to figure this out: I am worth true friendship and care in relationships because . . . I GIVE it! It is not wrong to want people to care about you the same as you do about them! Am I perfect? Heavens no! Nor do I expect others to be perfect. Deep feeling doesn't mean you are always sunshine, sugar, and roses. But I listen to my feelings and to promptings. 
        My kindness and loyalty have been manipulated WAY too many times. I get skeptical and untrusting. Being used has a way of doing that. I always give chances, however- sometimes too many, since we are to forgive "seventy times seven". Although, that doesn't mean letting them use you. 
       So, how do people "deal" with us? As a sensitive introvert, I don't need many friends, I need true ones. We need relationships of all kinds that will show they care, and not just say. As much as I love reading/writing words, that is all they are without substance and truth behind them. There are several different ways to show you care, but they are pretty universal. A few, in case you are wondering, are: making time for them, not making them feel like a burden -ESPECIALLY when emotional and since we tend to be needy, not withholding things, thinking about them, TELLiNG them, and NO PRETENSE. Don't just tell them what they WANT to hear, but mean what you say and say what you mean. 
     We sensitives need to find balance, of course, but I would not give up my feelings, even though they pain me even more than Fibromyalgia pain. I know there are others out there. If you don't want relationships with sensitive people, then it is truly your loss. 

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